At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Barsexuality is the new black.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
