I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
