First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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