Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
