I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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