i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
