He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want a musical about memes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
