just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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