if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
