who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
