thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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