If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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