This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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