lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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