we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
