piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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