Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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