i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
