her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
