I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
