I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish there were birth control emojis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
