Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
