I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
