I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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