just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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