Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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