apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
