I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
