i barfeds in our rink
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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