Jerry, you need to find god
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
