So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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