She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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