Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
