As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
