girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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