you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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