I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
