he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
