i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
