My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
