THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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