If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
