john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
