He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
