Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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