My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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