I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
