omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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