He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
