It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
