We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
