you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
