Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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