I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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