Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
