So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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