I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
