just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
