Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
