dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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