how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
