it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
