a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
