you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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