ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
