After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
