it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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