Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let's get the cat blown out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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