apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
