This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
