Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
