Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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