DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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