I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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