My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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